Some authors of business-themed books thrive on giving readers a gentle push to follow through on promises. Author Keith Ferrazzi is not one of those writers. Instead, he prefers to take a two-fisted swing at a person’s ambition and deliver a no-bull, no-compromise truth punch.
The effect can leave the recipient somewhat dazed, but it’s hard not to want to shake Ferrazzi’s hand once you get up off the mat. Simply put, he commands respect.
“Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success –– and Won’t Let You Fail” is an in-depth study into the key relationships that drive success. Smart Business spoke with Ferrazzi about lifeline relationships, the need to be proactive and why caring about others is a key to success.
We’ve all heard the phrase ‘go it alone’ during our career. Why is this in direct contrast to what you propose as the path to success?
Relationships really are the core of your success. Your career is contingent on the success of your relationships. If your clients care about you as an individual and you care about them and you’re really working hard for each other with a sense of generosity and mutual commitment, then everyone is going to be successful. If you’re a leader, people are going to have to decide to follow you as an individual as much as they’re following your position.
You discuss four mindsets that form the foundation for lifeline relationships: generosity, vulnerability, candor and accountability. Tell us about why vulnerability is so crucial to building lifeline relationships?
Inside every one of us, we’re constantly asking a question when we meet someone: ‘Are they safe?’
We’ve got to get to the stage where we make other people feel safe. We’ve got to walk around the world creating a safer environment where we’re inviting people in to have a better relationship with us. If we’re walking around pretending like everything’s perfect (and) keeping walls up around us, sometimes those walls have barbed wire around them because we’re so damned insecure. If that’s the case, we’re not going to be sending the kind of message to people that is necessary for us to have the kind of connectedness that we need to succeed. Vulnerability is a linchpin to success.
You write about the need to learn to fight. What does this actually entail?
Think about how you deal with the annual review process. If you’re like (an employee in) most companies, you wait until the one time each year when the company has enough courage to tell you the truth, and guess what? What we’ve found is that they actually don’t have enough courage.
They gather information anonymously about you, and then some coward walks into the room and because of his or her conflict avoidance issues, they refuse to tell you the real truth. They water it down because they don’t really want to tell you to your face what you’re really doing that’s holding you back.
That said, they’ve already also figured out what your raise is or is not going to be (and) what your promotion ability is or isn’t. But then they don’t give you the information that you need to really get better. Well, you’re an idiot if you’re not out there actively soliciting, pleading for that kind of feedback six months in advance of your review.
If you were actually out there soliciting that information, then you would have shown up at that review and you would have been able to control how you change yourself to be ready for that review. You would have been able to improve yourself so that your performance is better, your financial rewards are better (and) your promotion ability is better.
Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success –– and Won’t Let You Fail
By Keith Ferrazzi
Broadway Business ©2009, 336 pages, $25