Dennis Patterson, a human resource generalist for Roberts Express in Akron, remembers a time when he would become frustrated during discussions with subordinates if they made rebuttals to his management directives. Sharon Campbell, a systems technician for Kent-based Schneller Inc., recalls meetings with a supervisor during which she became so irritated by his autocratic style that she would leave in exasperation, sometimes slamming the door behind her.
These two professionals share something in common: their communication styles — and those of the people with whom they worked — were contributing to problems in the workplace.
Former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis once remarked, “Nine-tenths of the serious controversies which arise in life result from misunderstanding, from one man not knowing the facts which to the other man seem important, or otherwise failing to appreciate his point of view.” And as Andrew S. Grove, founder and chairman of Intel Corp., puts it, “How well we communicate is determined not by how well we say things but by how well we are understood.”
Perhaps that’s why more than 20 Akron-area companies thought it wise to send select employees to a recent two-day American Management Association training workshop to acquire the effective communications and interpersonal skills necessary to lead, motivate and work diplomatically with others. “Communication problems occur in the work environment because of territorial games and perceptions,” says David Wellmaker, who facilitated the workshop. “But human beings honestly believe, because of their own perceptions, that they’re not playing those territorial games.”
“People get into the territorial games when they feel competitive and threatened, usually because they’re not getting recognition for their contributions. They feel like somebody’s trying to steal their thunder,” says Joan Wilson, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Portage Path Behavioral Center’s North Summit branch. “Everyone needs recognition, so if you acknowledge people and think of more positive things to say than negative, it really helps in the communications process.”
Wellmaker says that to discover how we play the territorial games that block effective communication, we must first understand our own perceptions that influence our personal communication styles. To that end, AMA workshop participants were given the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, a self-assessment exam based on the book Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. Patterson says his understanding of his personality type — as determined by his results from the Keirsey Temperament Sorter — has made a definite difference in the way he relates to employees and professional colleagues.
“Something I want to start doing now is learning what other people in my own organization are typed as under the Keirsey or Myers Briggs indicator — are they introverts, extroverts, are they sensing, feeling, analyzing or judging,” Patterson says. “I see value in understanding how other people think because it helps me find better ways of communicating more effectively with them, keeping in mind that I have a different type of communication style.”
Linda Duff, a training instructor for Allstate Insurance Company in Hudson, says the self-assessment quiz helped her understand her propensity to volunteer for every assignment and offer solutions to every problem — which deprives others of the opportunity to use their skills. “I have a tendency, because of my personality type, to always throw my two cents in when problems come up. I always seem to be the one to take charge,” Duff says. “One of the things I learned from the test was that my personality type needs to say less and listen more, so that I’m not taking professional growth opportunities away from others in my group.”
Wellmaker also emphasizes that to communicate effectively with anyone, it’s crucial to consider their frame of reference. “Their frame of reference is comprised of elements including their culture and upbringing, values and belief systems, life and work experience, current environment and expectations, because those very filters determine their perception and reception of your message,” Wellmaker says.
Campbell reports that recently, she had a meeting with her supervisor to explain procedure forms she wanted to implement. She says she followed up with an e-mail memo briefly outlining the procedure, but when he received it, he stormed into her office, claiming that what they’d discussed and what her memo conveyed were two different things.
“He made remarks like, ‘Why do you always have to give me a hard time and challenge me — why can’t you just say you’ll fix it?’ I tried to consider his ‘frame of reference’ and realized he was playing a territorial game. So, instead of getting upset, I told him I’d send him another e-mail fully outlining the procedure,” Campbell says.
Patterson says the workshop’s roundtable discussions and role-playing exercises also helped improve his communications and listening skills. Heeding Wellmaker’s advice that effective communication can only happen with planning and delivery, Patterson says he’s altered his game plan for coaching and counseling sessions with subordinates: He contemplates and organizes the sequence of points he’ll address, anticipates counter-arguments that may arise and formulates explanations he might offer.
As for Duff, she says she was thrilled when her supervisor recently complimented her on the positive change in her communications approach. “My goal has become to listen more and say less, and her goal is to smack me if I don’t!”
How to reach: American Management Association, (800) 255-4141 or www.amanet.org/seminars/public
Watch your mouth
Do you talk team but communicate like an autocratic manager? Ineffective communication results in low morale, stalled productivity, high tension and increased turnover and absenteeism. Before you open your mouth, open your eyes and check out these guidelines for communicating with diplomacy and tact.
Understand. Dialogue shouldn’t simply stop when the directive is given. Communication is a two-way street that involves giving information and getting a response.
Evaluate. If you’re on the spot, hesitate before forming an opinion. If you’re not responding with empathy and diplomacy, you’re damaging your credibility and destroying your integrity.
Consider the four Ws and one H. Who are you talking to? What are you going to say? When and where will you say it — is this the right time or place? Why are you saying it — is the issue is more important than the relationship? How are you going to say it — watch your voice tone and body language.
Listen. Show respect for employees and professional peers when they speak. Ask questions to show interest and clarify points.
Observe. Watch their body language, voice tone and facial expressions for clues that reveal how they may be perceiving your message.
Respond. Determine if your intended message was perceived correctly by asking for clarification of what was discussed.