Carolyn Helmuth, owner of New Beginnings Counseling, is a licensed, professional clinical counselor with offices in North Canton and Akron. In addition to offering individual counseling, Helmuth also consults with businesses. One of her areas of expertise is the empowerment of women.
Why do women tend to feel their ideas and opinions go unacknowledged in the work environment?
Women are usually stereotyped as care givers and, in general, have been taught to be quiet. We don’t offer direct opinions. We’ll say, “What do you think of this?” rather than using the “I” statement.
One of our drawbacks is we’re afraid we might offend someone, so we don’t say what we really mean. I overheard someone say women always need to make the playing field fair. We don’t want to look like we are superior or have an opinion. We feel comfortable giving others compliments on what they do well, but when it comes to voicing our own ideas, we’re afraid to do that.
Do men and women communicate differently, and how does this affect a business relationship between the sexes?
Men have no fear in owning their ideas. Women go one of two ways in their communication styles. Women either “go one down” in an effort to make a fair playing field; they’re often afraid of taking ownership of their ideas or accomplishments. [Or they] think that in order to really be on a level with men, they need to set rigid boundaries and adopt a superior attitude. Unfortunately, these women come across snobbishly.
How can a woman improve the effectiveness of her message in business?
It starts with finding your “inner wisdom.” It’s important to get in touch with who you are and feeling very comfortable with that, and this leads to becoming more confident.
To accomplish this we need to find and face our feelings. We need to know our whole range of feelings and understand that it’s all right to be angry as a woman. We’re taught it’s not feminine to be angry, but we do have those feelings. We need to acknowledge and face that we have them.
It’s also important to be congruent. What we’re feeling and saying need to be the same. If we’re angry, we need to say, “I’m really angry about this” and “Can we talk about it?”
Another important aspect is being responsible. If you believe in something, follow through and take the consequences for whatever happens. If we act “mousy” in the board room and we don’t get what we want, that’s our responsibility. Ask directly and don’t go the roundabout way.
Lastly, we need to recognize that we are in charge of our own happiness. We can influence someone else, but we can’t change them.
What results have you seen in women (or men) who “find their voice” in business?
I think what happens is the more we find our own voice, the more we discover who we are and change what we don’t like. People tend to like themselves more and begin to accept and like others more as well.
I think of it as a cycle: The more we find our own personal power and are confident in that, the more we can allow other people to have their own personal power and not be threatened by it.
We see ourselves more as equals when we are confident. Confidence is apparent in the way you walk, the way you give a handshake, and it comes across in all of your communications.
Finding your inner wisdom and trusting it works not only in the workplace but also in marriages, friendships and dealing with your kids. I think when you truly find your inner wisdom and are confident, you emit a “quiet power.” We don’t need to act powerful in a rigid, controlling way; when we’re confident in ourselves it alludes to that confidence and power.
How to reach: New Beginnings Counseling (330) 869-5279 or (330) 492-3725
