Coach and train
When Lyseggen went to his children’s school to hear a teacher speak, he was surprised to hear her say that teaching children to read and write was easy because all they need is two things.
“One, they need to feel loved, and two, confidence grows from a sense of accomplishment and mastery,” he says. “I thought that was so profound and universal, and that is one of the things I try to live by in coaching, as well. That applies to people at all levels and all ages. People need to feel safe and loved somehow and have confidence to continually grow as they feel the sense of accomplishment and master of the topic at hand.”
This starts by spending time with people.
“First, I think the most valuable thing you can give anyone is your time,” Lyseggen says. “There is nothing as precious as your own time. Sometimes you don’t need to know what to say to a person; you just need to sit down and listen to that person and give that person attention. That person will know you care and are willing to take up your time. Even if you don’t have anything insightful to say or answers or solutions to the problem they have, it’s the fact that you were there and gave them your time. That actually goes a long way.”
Then you also have to be honest with people.
“One of the most effective ways to really show that you care about people is to be honest and tell them about their weaknesses and their shortcomings when you see those,” he says. “People really take a real liking to that when it’s done in a respectful way and it’s done on a foundation of trust and integrity.
“People get to hear things that perhaps a lot of people are thinking, and it can be down to their personality or the way they do things, things that people in general wouldn’t comment on because it would be awkward. But if you are able to share that with them in a friendly, loving and caring way, I think that really helps people improve and grow and it also shows that you care and that you’re looking after them and looking after their best interest.”
You also have to know when to have that conversation.
“You should be cautious — be very careful and not do it too early,” Lyseggen says. “Only do it when you feel really comfortable that there is a mutual trust established. The situation is you give somebody … honest feedback, and sometimes honest feedback can hurt. Even as glowing and caring as you can be, it can still hurt. The most damaging thing is if it’s not based on a trustful foundation, so you can never do that unless there is a fundamental trust present.”
When you can have that honest conversation, you open up the door for improvement in your people.
“It starts with the person saying, ‘That’s an area that I feel lots of confidence in,’ or, ‘I think that is one of my weaknesses; I think I can perhaps do it, but I don’t have the confidence to do it,’” he says. “The first step is a
dmitting that that is an area that they don’t have confidence in or that is an area that feels wonderful. Admit it, and then you have to embrace it. Once they admit it and are able to talk about it, then you can work on that.”
You have to ask them probing questions to find out how to help them develop that area.
“What are the situations that you feel more confident?” he says to ask. “What are the ingredients that you’re looking for that will help you feel strong in that area? What situations do we need to expose you to so you can get the training to get the mastery to accomplish this? … Just talk about it. Then you can actually deal with it.”
Once you talk about the problem and the possible solutions, then move forward.
“Basically, you create a plan,” Lyseggen says. “Often what is the case is the person actually actively pursues or seeks situations where their experiences are more exposed. Often, if you have a weakness and you want to hide it and you want to not deal with it, you avoid situations where your weaknesses are exposed, but if you are able to talk about it and get a commitment and decide you want to turn it around, then you’re in a mode where you try to find situations where you are exposed to it.”
He says to follow up on that plan formally each quarter, but you can informally check in with that person on a monthly basis just to see how they’re progressing.
He says, “On paper, it can seem simple, and on paper, it can seem like a good thing, but it needs to be followed up on and executed and scrutinized on to deliver the results you’re looking for.”
