I met Carma Lacy 23 years ago at a Wendy’s. The late Sharon Burks, a counselor at Franklin County Children Services, arranged the meeting after interviewing me to become a mentor. I was unaware of the responsibilities but clear what God commanded me to do, in spite of the emotional baggage of single parenthood I carried at the time.
Driving home from work, I heard a radio program on the emancipation of youth in foster care. The 17-year-old woman spoke of living outside of the agency’s supervision, describing loneliness, uncertainty and fear at not having a support group or family to guide her.
It was as if my own child was crying for help. I immediately called and asked for more information.
Through rocky times
Carma was quiet during our first meeting and afraid to look at my face. Sharon had shared her troubled life: group homes, foster parents, multiple schools and abuse, resulting in low self-esteem and fear. Carma, a rising high school senior with good grades, was determined to be her family’s first college graduate.
The early years were rocky — a doomed teenage marriage, a child, divorce, financial blunders and betrayal from so-called friends. Trust was an obstacle; too many individuals had broken promises and failed to stay in touch.
Her rejection and anger often perturbed me. Carma tried repeatedly to reclaim her birth family. She learned she couldn’t rescue them from their values or habits, even with her positive lifestyle.
Twenty years ago I was not drama-free, either. I worked full time as a banker, managed marketing at a fledgling Glory Foods Inc., and encouraged my children to stay calm in light of my divorce.
However, transparency, consistency and honesty are critical in mentor-mentee relationships. I had to be the constant factor in Carma’s world. Her reliance on my critical thinking helped me keep cool in heated, complicated circumstances.
Beating the odds
We laughed, cried, separated and reunited many times before she really trusted me. As her official “auntie,” she lived with me several times over the years. My children learned to love her as a big sister, but not without the typical sibling squabbles and jealousy.
My friends and family know we’re a package deal, and FCCS touts us as one of its most successful pairs.
Carma beat the odds with degrees in business from Ohio Dominican University and paralegal studies from Capital University. Less than 10 percent of foster youth graduate from college. According to Fostercare.org, 20 percent will be homeless after age 18, 71 percent of girls get pregnant by age 21 and 25 percent suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
Carma is gainfully employed and a strong community servant, including serving as governance chair of the national Foster Care Alumni of America. She owns who she is, accepts where she has been and embraces what her mission in life must be. I am very proud of her.
Unleash the benefits
Carma is now prepared to lead and mentor others in foster care, and I will be there to help her. In mentoring, the mentor gets to cultivate success in the mentee, and the mentee reaps the mentor’s experience and knowledge.
Women are the nucleus of relationships and influences worldwide. If knowledge transfers generationally through mentoring, women learn best practices from credible sources. Ladies, please consider mentoring a younger woman today and unleash benefits for years to come.
Iris Cooper, DBA, is the Owner of Just Ask Iris, an entrepreneurial coaching firm specializing in matters that are important to women and minority small business owners: finance, marketing, problem solving techniques, collaborations and strategies for growth.
