Q. What advice would you have to be a better listener?
When I have engaged in a conversation and then come out of that, I will often make a few notes for myself that talk about that, which helps for me to reinforce what I heard. Perhaps more important than that, I’ll often turn around and write a handwritten note to the individual and thank them for their time. But, in doing so, try to highlight something that I heard from the conversation that I found to be helpful. It’s a way of affirming, but it’s also a way of confirming or writing a little more deeply on my brain what that was about.
Q. How do you handle it when you can’t do what is asked of you?
Gently. At the end of the day, it’s better to be honest than to mislead. I think it’s important for the individual to know what my perspective is on it and not to be led into thinking I’m going to think about it and there’s a pretty good chance that it will come out the way that person is asking for.
Or to use another example, back earlier in my career, I was in a position that I was regularly in conversations with students who wanted to petition for a change in what the school’s expectations were for our curriculum. So, guidelines were you had to do this, this, this and this, and someone comes in and petitions for it.
If I could accommodate that, that was wonderful. But, if I could not, my goal always was not necessarily to make the student happy but to have the student leave my office knowing the reason behind my saying no.
They didn’t have to agree with it, but they at least had to understand it. In the case of a friend of the university, I’d want to try to explain as well as I could why, in our context here, what they were suggesting was not something we could go with. Better to make it clear than to let there be too much of a fog.
Q. What would you say is the biggest challenge in listening?
One of the challenges is if one listens, you can too easily communicate to the speaker that you agree with them, when, in fact, you may not always agree with them. You may not be intending to communicate that, but that’s what the speaker is picking up because you are intent in trying to understand what the perspective of the other is. Sometimes, if the person is not accustom to that, they may take listening as affirmation.
How to reach: North Park University, (773) 244-6200 or www.northpark.edu
