Through life experiences, I have learned you can obtain almost anything you want by helping others get what they want. Life is about making a contribution, not a comparison.
A reporter once asked me how I became such an outstanding networker. I shared with them I learned it in grade school, when I forgot my lunch. I approached a classmate and said, “If you’re not going to eat half of that sandwich and apple, can I have it?
On Fridays, my mom makes homemade pizza, and I’ll bring you some.” That Friday, I didn’t just bring a couple slices, I brought an entire pizza. After that, I never had to bring my own lunch to school again.
The lesson I have learned is to under promise and over deliver. By managing people’s expectations, you can build lasting relationships based on trust and respect. Focus on giving first rather than receiving, and understand what others need rather than centering on your own desires. Ask questions that uncover where they might need assistance and what opportunities they’re looking to seize.
I try to live by the “Law of Reciprocity”— to receive anything of value, including love, you must first be willing to give it. This philosophy is embodied in a list of actions that can be applied both at work and in life. I put together a list called The Eight Es: encounter, embrace, engage, encourage, empathize, energize, empower and execute.
Make the effort to encounter others, and embrace and engage them by seeking their opinions. Encourage them to share their thoughts freely, and empower them to do so without fear of negative criticism. Constructive feedback is valuable — it helps improve outcomes and opens up new ways of thinking.
But if it’s just criticism without a solution, it’s not going to help anyone. In other words, you should try to empathize and show people that you truly care about them and their ideas. As the conversation progresses and you work through challenges, try to energize them by sharing your excitement about where this hard work can lead and what it can accomplish in the future.
I have learned, once you’ve collaboratively developed an idea with real value, the next crucial step is to execute. This is the key to making everything happen. You can apply the first seven Es perfectly, but if one fails to execute, nothing gets done.
If you want a friend, you need to be a friend. When you approach relationships in an “Eight E” way, others will naturally want to reciprocate.
Umberto P. Fedeli is CEO of The Fedeli Group.
