The world of business books sees a good deal of churn. A title that tops the best-seller lists one month may be outdated less than six months later. To endure, a book requires a timeless subject that is explored with solid insight and evergreen wisdom. Author and leadership development expert Susan Scott accomplished this daunting task with “Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time.” The 2002 release, revised and updated in 2004, edges closer to the pantheon of business classics with each year. In this interview, Scott speaks candidly about the book’s core principles and how the project became part of a healing journey for her.
One of the tenets of your book comes from a speech by author David Whyte who said, ‘The conversation is the relationship.’ What are executives missing when it comes to understanding this idea?
Whyte’s idea is the core of everything we teach executives. An executive’s most valuable currency is not IQ. It’s not the ability to build a really cool PowerPoint, analyze a case study or read a spreadsheet. An executive’s most valuable currency is each relationship, the emotional capital. If an executive fails to win people’s hearts, he or she will lose their hands and their heads, as well.
You focus at one point on messages that are loaded with destructive responses, such as sarcasm, exaggeration or bringing up old baggage. How hard is it to combat these habits?
It was [a battle] I had to fight within myself. One of the principles of ‘Fierce Conversations’ is to take responsibility for your emotional wake. I used to be told in my early days as a manager that, ‘Your message is right on, but your delivery leaves a lot to be desired.’ I used to think, in my hubris at that time, ‘Well, if I’m too strong for some people, then that’s their problem.’
Finally, I realized that the constant in the difficulties was me. I was forced to ask myself, ‘What is it about the tone of my voice and the passion with which I speak that communicates something to someone that is painful for them?’ I realized I had to get clear with my intent. I had to ask myself, ‘What was my intent in these conversations?’
How often do you refer back to your earlier experiences when discussing the book?
All the time. I was giving a talk at the ASTD (American Society for Training and Development) conference in Chicago and someone asked during Q&A, ‘What were the things that caused “Fierce Conversations” to come into being?’ There were two things: One was the end of a long-term marriage where I had to walk away. I realized years later that I walked away simply because we were unable to have the conversations that desperately needed to take place.
It wasn’t just [my husband]; it was me, too. The other experience was a number of breakthroughs with the CEOs during my time with The Executive Committee. At the end of all of our meetings, part of the solutions that we devised for that day’s set of problems always involved future conversations with others.
It was a very passionate experience for me to write the book because I was writing out of my own pain but also out of my excitement because I felt I was writing my way toward something that felt far more meaningful to me than anything I had experienced before. People who’ve read the book feel like they know me, and they do. Most people who write a book or speak with passion chose that topic because it’s a topic that they themselves wanted to get better at or learn more about.
